Clayton, MO: WUnderground, Washington University’s premier satirical outlet, published an article about itself in an attempt to break the fourth wall. It has 373 total words and appears on the second page of the first WUnderground issue of the semester. The article currently being read is the first instance of ...

A newly released study confirms long-held theories that everybody has had more than enough of your bullshit, Laura. Researchers can now confidently back the hypothesis that we shouldn’t always have to pregame at your place “for the ambiance.” A survey conducted of a random sample of undergraduate females reports that ...

1. Exfoliate Prior to tanning, exfoliating with a loofah or scrubber helps to get rid of the top layer of dead skin. This allows your tan to develop on the fresh new skin that was underneath, lengthening the duration of your tan! The following link will provide the steps you ...

Investigations into Mystery Inc. concluded on Monday morning, with prosecutors leveling charges against several of the firm’s employees for trespassing and felony assault. The vigilante organization, founded by Fred Jones Jr., first generated public scrutiny after hospitalizing area theater director Michael Davensport with a series of improvised “Scooby trap” devices. ...

In a surprising statement, the Washington University Director of Technology announced that Fall Break defied all typical trends with a massive spike in Internet usage. The statement theorized that since the four-day weekend allowed many students to leave St. Louis, many roommates were freed of the restrictions of a shared ...

The Boy Scouts of America recently announced their decision to accept girls, raising concerns over the future of partner organization Girl Scouts of America. “In response to changing definitions of gender identities, we think it would be best to focus on the interests of our creative, socially lethargic young scouts,” ...

According to sources, the spirit of chief strategist Steven Bannon was forcibly expelled from the White House on Friday after staffers recited an incantation purging the West Wing of Mr. Bannon’s ghost. “There was just this horrible screeching,” remarked one advisor witness to Mr. Bannon’s expulsion. Bannon, a seventh century ...

As thousands of Americans scramble to get their hands on a pair of the coveted eclipse glasses recommended by scientists for safe viewing of the rare solar event, anti-bullying groups across the country are wringing their hands over the likely spike in wedgies, swirlies, and verbal zingers as the nation’s ...

Extended family members of Anthony Scaramucci cited a growing concern on Friday over the New York businessman’s latest obsession: claiming that spouse, Deidre Scaramucci, is in fact his political rival Reince Preibus. “You would think he’d cut the bullshit after I got him canned but no! Now he’s in my ...

According to local reports, White House staffers voiced concerns on Tuesday regarding a controversial addition to the West Wing: a secretarial intern who bears a striking resemblance to Special Council Robert Mueller. The intern, seventy-two-year old Mobert Bueller, undoubtedly shares many of the investigator’s physical traits; from his trademark crow’s ...