According to local reports, White House staffers voiced concerns on Tuesday regarding a controversial addition to the West Wing: a secretarial intern who bears a striking resemblance to Special Council Robert Mueller.
The intern, seventy-two-year old Mobert Bueller, undoubtedly shares many of the investigator’s physical traits; from his trademark crow’s feet to sunken eyes, the new hire to the executive staff is an uncanny doppelganger, even in his mannerisms. “He mumbles about ‘justice’ a lot,” remarked one co-worker.
Suspicions aside, executive aides have criticized the fledgling intern’s professionalism. “I told [Mobert] to fetch Mr. Mueller to meet with the president’s legal team. The kid disappears for twenty minutes, and eventually the special investigator gets fed up and just sprints on in, sweating all over the place,” reported staff supervisor Mark Leibowitz.
One intern on the White House staff admitted discomfort at her peer’s workplace conduct. “He’s just supposed to wipe down the desk in the Oval Office, but all of a sudden he’s going through drawers and pocketing stationary,” said Rebecca Collier.
Even on lunch breaks, Ms. Collier insisted, something was off. “He’d put in headphones like he was just tuning out for a bit but he’d make eye contact with you the entire time. Sometimes he’d take notes.”
Nevertheless, many cabinet members have taken a liking to the young hire; Chief of Staff Reince Priebus praised Mobert as a go-getter with ambition. “Anytime there’s an assignment close to the president, Mob’s the first hand in the air,” he declared proudly.