"I spoke to the IRS, Mr. Jones. No records."
"I spoke to the IRS, Mr. Jones. No records."

Members of Mystery Inc. Charged with Trespassing, Aggravated Assault

Investigations into Mystery Inc. concluded on Monday morning, with prosecutors leveling charges against several of the firm’s employees for trespassing and felony assault.

The vigilante organization, founded by Fred Jones Jr., first generated public scrutiny after hospitalizing area theater director Michael Davensport with a series of improvised “Scooby trap” devices. Davensport, known to criminal investigators as The Stagehand Specter, demanded legal reparation after Mystery Inc. employees entered his property without a warrant in 2011 and subsequently maimed the plaintiff, disguised as a headless former wardrobe assistant.

“My client was guilty merely of protecting his business,” insisted Mr. Davensport’s attorney, Bill Lowry. “Blow me if he expected to have a sheet wrapped around his head and be drop-kicked by some mutt into an empty barrel.”

The mutt in question, Scoobert “Scooby” Doo, was none other than
the shelter-rescue Great Dane who accompanies the alleged “gang” in
their criminal exploits.

Federal prosecutors intend to seek full damages from Mystery Inc., inspired by the example of Jefferson Miller (a.k.a. The Frosty
Phantom) who successfully sued the group on similar grounds the previous year.