White House Expels Steve Bannon by Chanting Name Three Times

According to sources, the spirit of chief strategist Steven Bannon was forcibly expelled from the White House on Friday after staffers recited an incantation purging the West Wing of Mr. Bannon’s ghost.

“There was just this horrible screeching,” remarked one advisor witness to Mr. Bannon’s expulsion. Bannon, a seventh century netherdaemon who served as council to the 45th president, found himself in the crosshairs of bipartisan backlash earlier this week in the aftermath of alt-right gatherings in Charlottesville.

Members of the presidential cabinet, including Chief of Staff John Kelly and Vice President Mike Pence, gathered in the Oval Office before chanting Mr. Bannon’s name three times, with the final utterance performed in reverse.

“Bannon, Bannon, Nonnab!” Declared Secretary of State Rex Tillerson, undoing Bannon’s summons. Almost instantly, the notorious Breitbart contributor was forcibly sucked down the White House central corridor, leaving claw marks on doors sealed in advance with the blood of Senate interns.