WashU to Require Security Guards for Registered Dorm Parties

Citing changes to social policy, the Office of Residential Life will require hired security for registered dorm parties, effective October 2018. Former campus policies had permitted students to host personal social events, provided their RAs didn’t give a shit. According to new policy, security aides will be responsible for checking ...

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Med Students Discover Rare Pathogen Amongst StudLife Staffers

In a stunning discovery, WashU medical students identified a rare pathogen on Friday known to be wreaking havoc among the Student Life publication staff. Coined “bad journalism” by sophomore Trevor Dietrich, the rare phenomenon continues to spread amongst members of the paper’s roster and shows no signs of stopping. “The ...

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Call for WUnderground Summer Interns!

Attention to all Wash U students still seeking summer internships! WUnderground, Wash U’s premier [only] satirical newspaper is in DESPERATE need of detail-negligent summer interns. Responsibilities will include writing coffee and fetching articles. This internship will be paid in the most valuable currency of all: experience (writing dick jokes). Below ...

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Benevolent God Takes Away Our Pool Ladder Again

Oh feebee lay litzergam. Pehpeh lou sul sul, gouhh… verna dehna! Ah, crushnah! Eckeh tahlwah moorlih aom yomwurbwleh. Como stadah kah blah na dah ahduwesteh deepwa spanewash deepla blah. Dis wompf es fredesche. Harva sol labaga along with hava so lawnumgm, hurdy furdy sarl-de-baggy. Yesh, ah fweegah fwaa. Boobasnot cuh-teek-a-loo ...

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Area Man Displeased About Release of Personal Information

Particularly when dealing with sensitive subject matter, WUnderground is committed to preserving the anonymity of the students we interview. We therefore find it necessary to publicly apologize to sophomore Jason Tang, who told us he felt that Holmes Lounge was overrated under the condition that we do not print his name. Tang, who is double majoring in Physics ...

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