WASH U BIAS REPORT BLOTTER
Here's a sampling of some of the most recent entries from the new Washington University online bias report form. Make sure to read them all with equal care...
Entire Campus Super Chapped
As frigid, dry weather sweeps through the St. Louis region, the Washington University student bodies are reportedly really chapped right now.
Washington University Tuition Raised to Your Firstborn Child
Washington University announced changes to its tuition structure on Friday, on the grounds that new construction, rising energy prices, and the increasing demands of the Mexican drug cartels that underwrite the university all amount to a higher cost for students in the coming academic year.
Everyone at Restaurant Wished They Ordered What That Guy Got
Last Wednesday during the lunch rush, every single customer at the neighborhood diner left feeling irritated and unsatisfied, each wishing they had ordered what area man Paul Turner was eating.
Report: Massive Bureaucratic Fuckup Happens Yet Again
In what most people are calling just another day within a convoluted, nebulous, and baffling managerial system, another failure of university bureaucracy has waylaid the needs of one more earnest WashU student.
New Sorority Member Feels Empowered, Redefined
After freshman Chelsey Lewis accepted her bid to join one of Washington University's most elite sororities, she felt an incredible sense of power and achievement.
Wow. Have you seen his arms? Oooo just look at them! Look! So bulgey, and muscley, and manly, and veiny, and wonderfully sexual and raw. Damn.
Conversation About The Weather Sparks Controversy, Fight
Martin Taylor and Chandler Reynolds's banal weather-related small-talk turned violently controversial last Thursday.