God Suspended Due to Hazing Incident

fratgod

God has been temporarily suspended from the known universe after several reports of a violent hazing incident this past weekend. Under the euphemistic guise of a “faith-building exercise,” God is alleged to have commanded Abraham, a pledge, to climb a mountain and murder his son, Isaac. Rumors of God’s hazing ...

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Senior “Not Like Those Other Guys”

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Sources close to the subject report that Wash U senior Jasper Simmons is nothing like all those other assholes. “Jasper doesn’t care about typical guy stuff like fantasy football and grilling things,” points out sophomore Lena Smith. “He would much rather teach you about Sufjan Stevens and the merits of ...

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One Year After the Election: Where Are They Now?

On November 8, 2016, Donald Trump won the presidency of the United States, bringing an end to a roller coaster of election drama that lasted over two years. One year later, WUnderground checked in with some of the 2016 race’s most important figures. Here’s where they are now. Hillary Rodham ...

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Staff Review: Strange Thingers Returns To Netflix

strange thingers

Hot dog! It’s time for another season of one of Netflix’s scariest shows, Strange Thingers! It’s a must-watch for everybody who loves television and fears the 1980s. Season Two of Strange Thingers reintroduces fans to the the citizens of Hawkey, Indiana, one year after the Demigloggin attacked the town middle ...

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Six Foolproof Tricks for Mind-Blowing Sex

picture for wunderground article on sex

1. Talk Dirty Here’s a classic move for all you filthy animals out there: don’t be afraid to get a little dirty in the bedroom. You will absolutely blow your partner’s mind if you whisper, “More than 14 billion pounds of waste are dumped into the world’s oceans every year,” ...

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Astros Win Important Baseball Game

astros

On November 1, 2017, the Houston Astros defeated the LA Dodgers to win their first World Series. This specific baseball matchup was played between these teams to determine the winner of the game. There are many factors that led to the Astros winning the game, so it’s helpful to break ...

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Trump Briefly Forgets Vice President’s Name

"I should have done name tags."

According to reports, President Donald Trump confronted an unforeseen problem in Tuesday’s Cabinet meeting when Mr. Trump couldn’t seem to remember the name of his vice president, Mike Pence. “The guy’s here all the time, but I just couldn’t put a finger on it,” Mr. Trump admitted to a source ...

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Squirrel Planning Something

Thinking about nuts, or something much more sinister?

Concerns over the suspicious behavior of a campus squirrel have led to the formation of Wash U’s newest student group, “TSIPS” (That Squirrel Is Planning Something). In an exclusive interview, club president Michael Kraus revealed that “We don’t know what exactly this squirrel is up to, but we have some ...

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WUnderground Publishes Confusing Meta-Article

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Clayton, MO: WUnderground, Washington University’s premier satirical outlet, published an article about itself in an attempt to break the fourth wall. It has 373 total words and appears on the second page of the first WUnderground issue of the semester. The article currently being read is the first instance of ...

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