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Volume 11 Issue 5

"Feburary 25"

Visitors: ☠

Overly Politically Correct Student Struggles to Find Inoffensive Insults

Junior John Valentino recently turned over a new leaf, and completely changed how he views the world...

Rolling Gamer Seeks Positive Community in Call of Duty Multiplayer

Last Thursday evening after ingesting MDMA, also known as "molly", local student Troy Cutter sought out a welcoming group with which to share his euphoria...

Math Professor Bans Use of Graphing Calculators

This past Thursday, much to the dismay of his entire statistics class, Professor John Horn announced that he will not be allowing the use of graphing calculators...

Tim Burton Tapped To Direct Upcoming ISIS Beheading

In the terrorist group's efforts to incite fear and expand its influence through filmed horrific executions, ISIS has tapped renowned filmmaker Tim Burton to direct its most recent beheading ...

Ask a 47 Year Old Man Pretending to be an 18 year Old Girl on the Internet

Hank Blascovich, known better by his screen name: TiffanyLuv96, initially rose to prominence in online chatrooms by offering his unique perspective and experience of an 18 year old girl...

Point/ Counterpoint: Lab Love

Holy shit. We just got this research assistant in our lab and she's so fucking hot. Like I don't even think there were girls that hot when I went to college...

PSA: What to do when a recent hook-up is headed your way on campus

Freemason Infographic

What do the freemason signs around campus mean? Is there a vast conspiracy?? Check the evidence yourself to find out...

Wrong-Un and Wrighton Return!

More moral lessons from our favorite despot and the leader of North Korea...