An undisclosed source close to the Illuminati recently admitted to trouble recruiting interns for the organization’s 2018 summer program. In fact, the source reports, qualified candidates have yet to submit applications. The Illuminati Summer Internship Intensive promises valuable insights into the Secret World Control industry as well as opportunities to ...
Read More »Valentine’s Day Special: Best On-Campus Dates
Valentine’s Day Special: Best On-Campus Dates Don’t have wheels but still want to make this Valentine’s Day unforgettable? Here are the best ways to spend the 14th with your special someone right here on campus! Student Health Services Want to show your S.O. what a considerate lover you are? Take ...
Read More »SHS to Use WebMD to Increase Accuracy of Diagnoses
In a move that brought a collective sigh of relief to the student body, Student Health Services has announced that its practitioners will now begin using WebMD as a diagnostic tool. The announcement, which came amidst a rampant influenza outbreak and complaints that students are often severely misdiagnosed, has been ...
Read More »Freshman Invites Girlfriend to Dinner with LAUNCH family
Local freshman James Harding was nervous on Tuesday evening; his girlfriend, Tanya Reed, would be meeting his LAUNCH family for the first time. “It’s a big step for us going forward,” Harding admitted. “But I want to share that piece of my life with her.” The couple discussed the decision ...
Read More »This One College Hack Will Change Your Life
College life can be stressful as heck. You need to get ahead every way you can. Luckily, we’ve got you covered. This one, simple life hack will revolutionize the way you study for tests. We can guarantee results! Okay, buckaroo, here’s what you do first: log in to WebStac. Have ...
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