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To the Washington University community: I write to you today to address the Presidential election that concluded yesterday. Yesterday, we, the __(Nationality)___ people, voted into office __(Famous Celebrity)__. While many on this campus may not (verb) with this choice, it is imperative that we now ______(verb)______ together as one _______(body ...

This week sophomore Jessica Abrams has officially declared to her friends and family that she will no longer be attending Wash U. Abrams explained her departure in an emotional facebook post: “Dearest friends and loved ones. It fills me with great excitement to say that I am heading on to ...

The University-hosted Open Discussion for Democracy and Disagreement took an unexpected turn September 14th when it suddenly ended in a fatal stabbing. The incident stemmed from a disagreement between freshman Austin Wilson and junior Lauryn Saunders-Brownstein. “Austin was totally out of control,” claimed a witness who refuses to label herself ...

As the University prepares itself for the upcoming presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, an increased sense of excitement can be felt throughout campus. Less excited, however, is Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson, who failed to gain the 15% support in national polls needed to be invited to ...

Freshman Jeremy Morrison reported recently that he was feeling “very nervous,” but foolishly because he feared he “wouldn’t fit in at college,” and not because of the ancient and maleficent being Ieriub’hxal that has haunted him since a rather unfortunate visit to Madam Beelzebub’s Antique Shop and Hotdog Shack back ...