SHS Doctor’s Medical Degree found to be false positive

Dr. Spaceman, one of SHS’ most successful former employees

According to sources within the Habif Health & Wellness Center, an SHS doctor’s medical degree was recently found to have been a false-positive. Apparently, Dr. Sonia Wellston’s doctorate was not in medicine, and her being hired was due to an administrator misreading of her resume due to extreme fatigue, nausea, ...

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Markets Tumble as Gak Prices Plummet to 13-Year Low

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Gak prices fell below $2.00 per gallon across most of the country last weekend, sending consumers rushing to load up on the oozy, green substance. The price drop comes as slime futures trade below $30 a barrel for the first time in more than a decade, driven down by an ...

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WUnderground’s Tips for Sorority Rush

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Sorority Rush is right around the corner, so you need to follow these essential tips if you want to get a bid! 1. Start prepping for when you accept your bid — get that liver to work! An essential part of the new member process includes forced drinking, so make sure to ...

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WUnderground Through the Ages

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We were too lazy to come up with another new article for this issue, so here’s some of our best work from the last few millennia of WUnderground.   June 3rd, 1453 – Study abroad in Constantinople canceled after city sieged “Our big concern is that credits earned under the ...

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An Open Letter to Chancellor Wrighton

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Dear Chancellor Wrighton,   On behalf of everyone here at WUnderground, we would like to apologize. We’ve been harsh to you over the years, unfairly so, and it’s time to right our wrongs. Though WUnderground is Wash U’s premier [only] satirical newspaper, there is a line when it comes to ...

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WUnderground Reviews 12.4

Review of the Best St. Louis Ribs, by a Starving African Child     Salt & Smoke: 2 out of 5 “The only advantage of Salt & Smoke it is that it’s only a 20 minute walk from the South 40. The rub was certainly unique—it was overloaded with brown ...

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Religious Scholars Debate Controversial New Text

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Bringing together scholars of various faiths, religious leaders met at the Vatican last weekend to discuss a recently uncovered and highly controversial new text. The text was received by Umar ibn Qaboos, a Hanifi Islamic scholar from Oman. Sent from a girl named Emily, a companion of Qaboos’, the text ...

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