Connie to Add Glass to All Campus Sweets

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Connie Diekman of Dining Services has been quietly rolling out her plan this past week to include shards of glass in all baked goods sold on campus.   “I’ve tried everything that I could think of to get these kids to eat healthy, but not single flier I’ve put in ...

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WUnderground’s Guide to Greek Life

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We at WUnderground understand how difficult it can be for new students to navigate the many Greek institutions at WashU. Luckily the 10 groups with houses are the only ones that matter, but even among them keeping track of all those thetas and zetas can be tough. To help you ...

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Student who pays $60,000 for tuition excited by free lunch

This lunch cost 18 meal points

Chowing down on a piece of Domino’s pizza that he had snuck from a free lunch spread in Bauer Hall, WashU senior Walter Bergstrom reported feeling thrilled by the sudden windfall. Bergstrom, who pays full tuition at one of the most expensive universities in the world, admitted that he probably ...

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Tensions Flare at the Office

Harper quickly learned not to take such long bathroom breaks

Emotions ran high at Washington Nationals Inc. this Sunday night as a violent physical altercation broke out on the workroom floor. Jonathan Papelbon, a ten-year veteran of the industry, took particular offense to his coworker Bryce Harper’s perceived lack of effort on the job.   Harper, a 22-year-old junior college ...

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Scientists Discover Life on Fontbonne Campus

Sapphire, the Fontbonne Rover, continues her search for life

A team of researchers from Washington University in St. Louis’s Earth and Planetary Sciences Department rocked the scientific community Monday when they announced the discovery of carbon-based life forms on the Fontbonne University campus. The discovery came late Thursday evening when Sapphire, the 2.4 billion dollar robot sent to explore ...

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WUnderground Reviews The Fantastic Four

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By Jim “The Trendsetter” Benson   If you had told me that fateful Thursday morning what was in store for me later that night, I would slapped you so hard you would’ve seen stars. Sure I’d seen the trailers, who hadn’t? They played them before every gatdamn movie in the ...

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President Obama Can’t Wait to Jerk Off

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Though he assured the public that it won’t affect the quality of his work, President Obama admitted on Tuesday that it has been about five years since he last masturbated, and that he can’t wait to get out of the White House so he can “finally settle down for a ...

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Unpaid Intern Excited to Show off Office Perks

For someone who performs more than 80 hours per week of unpaid labor for a company that can afford to give its executives seven-figure salaries, Charlie Thomas sure is proud of his office perks, according to his friends and Instagram followers. The rising senior, who is just finishing up a ...

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