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Pull up your Khakis, charge your Juul, and slip on that Patagonia vest, because you definitely don’t want to stand out and be yourself during this sausage fest! The ladies had a hellish four days of recruitment and now it’s your turn to partake in the honorable and essential two ...

Ah, the California Gold Rush. A chaotic time, fondly remembered by some and fervently denied by others. There was California; there was Gold; and, of course, there was Rush. The California Gold Rush encapsulates the American Dream of finding a metric shitton of gold; while naysayers will say things like ...

In a groundbreaking study published last week in Fake Science Monthly, America’s premier science and research journal, Washington University researchers discovered that the smell from the commonly used Miracle Grow fertilizer on average decreases pp size by 0.5 inches per year. “The fertilizer is highly effective,” said grounds crew member ...

The MIT Economics Department released a study last week that they wrote for broad public consumption. Department Chair Lucas Gooch explained that his department is “trying to send a message that ordinary people can understand, because it’s little nudges like this that can change the world.” The study, titled “Hey ...

Citing changes to social policy, the Office of Residential Life will require hired security for registered dorm parties, effective October 2018. Former campus policies had permitted students to host personal social events, provided their RAs didn’t give a shit. According to new policy, security aides will be responsible for checking ...