Top 10 Crime Prevention Tips

10. Most people fall into a life of crime because they had a poor education. Ask suspicious persons what Atticus Finch represents about the American spirit. 9. Never leave your room. 8. Try to avoid displays of wealth, like wearing ashy jewelry and attend- ing a school that costs more ...

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Freshman’s Sex Life Not Living Up to Expectations

Freshman entertains himself with a condom he knows he won’t use that night anyway.

Six weeks into his college career, Freshman Matt Blake’s sex life has failed to live up to his expectations. Despite the popular media’s depiction of college as a time for wild parties and unrestrained sexual deviance, Blake says that his experience has been overwhelmingly disappointing. “Where are the tits?” a ...

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Professional Wrestling Marred by Replacement Referees

Replacement referee (pictured lower left) loses track of the chainsaw vs. chair death-match after exiting the ring to hit on the one woman in the crowd.

The ongoing strike by International Wrestling Federation referees has forced the league to hire replacement officials, but some believe that the new officials are unprepared for the frantic pace of the sport. Many wrestlers have already come forward to complain about the referees. “These scabs are terrible!” said former World ...

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