WUnderground WashU's Premier (and only) satirical newspaper!

For the purposes of this example, I have bracketed a distinction between positive and negative action because I’m not some sort of Kantian dipshit. You are the conductor of the Loop Trolley, and it’s happened again. A man has stumbled onto the tracks ahead of you, thrusting you into an ...

8 AM. Wednesday. A crowd of freshmen stand in the Rutledge common room, staring at the expo residue on their whiteboard where the Community Living Standards had once been. Scared. Confused. Perhaps, I sense, almost excited? Would we be able to live together in peace and harmony without law, but ...

This fucker wasn’t easy.   When life hands you lemons, you make lemonade.  When life hands you fifty pounds of fireworks, 320 carrots and more chocolate than Augustus Gloop could handle, you do the only sensible thing and kill that hopping rabbit motherfucker.  About all these supplies – let’s just say ...

In an attempt to qualify for the third democratic debate, set to air on September 12th on ABC, ten struggling democratic candidates have combined forces by merging into one super-candidate, an amorphous blob reportedly weighing 1,500 pounds.  The super-candidate, which formerly inhabited the individual bodies of Kirsten Gillibrand, Tom Steyer, ...

Heartbreak has already befallen St. Louis’s newly-awarded Major League Soccer team before their first season has even begun. The team, which has yet to be named, has somehow already been relegated to Division III of the NCAA. The announcement has raised concerns and confusion, considering the MLS operates outside of ...