Tensions Flare at the Office

Emotions ran high at Washington Nationals Inc. this Sunday night as a violent physical altercation broke out on the workroom floor. Jonathan Papelbon, a ten-year veteran of the industry, took particular offense to his coworker Bryce Harper’s perceived lack of effort on the job.   Harper, a 22-year-old junior college ...

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Scientists Discover Life on Fontbonne Campus

A team of researchers from Washington University in St. Louis’s Earth and Planetary Sciences Department rocked the scientific community Monday when they announced the discovery of carbon-based life forms on the Fontbonne University campus. The discovery came late Thursday evening when Sapphire, the 2.4 billion dollar robot sent to explore ...

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WUnderground Reviews The Fantastic Four

By Jim “The Trendsetter” Benson   If you had told me that fateful Thursday morning what was in store for me later that night, I would slapped you so hard you would’ve seen stars. Sure I’d seen the trailers, who hadn’t? They played them before every gatdamn movie in the ...

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President Obama Can’t Wait to Jerk Off

Though he assured the public that it won’t affect the quality of his work, President Obama admitted on Tuesday that it has been about five years since he last masturbated, and that he can’t wait to get out of the White House so he can “finally settle down for a ...

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