Uncategorized

03

Dec

Global Warming WashU’s Newest DEI Initiative

Have you found walking across campus different this December? Though the leaves have fallen, the sun still shines bright above. Students still prance about campus with exposed arms, wrapping discarded sweaters around their waists. And it's not just the usual suspects, like the men who insist on wearing shorts in 40 degree weather…

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03

Dec

How to Explain Exactly What Happened to Your Spotify Wrapped This Year

Your alarm just went off, and you need a hit of dopamine to start your day. You instinctively open Instagram while hitting your Geek Bar. Instead of your typical morning Minecraft parkour Reddit stories, you are met with a rude awakening in the form of 640 Instagram stories. It is Spotify Wrapped day!…

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03

Dec

OP-ED: How EST Turned Me Into An Anti-Vaxxer

On the surface, I am your average WashU student. I’m an Ivy reject, I get decent grades, and I eat an açai bowl at Collins Farms every other Wednesday. My mother is a work-from-home gynecologist, and my father runs a multi-tier combined intercontinental cryptocurrency pyramid scheme and hedge fund. I am also on…

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03

Dec

Student Union Has Gone Broke: WUnderground Uncovers Student Union’s “Sugar Daddy” Outreach Program

In a shocking turn of events, the student body received notice that their own governing body is bankrupt. In a tearful speech to students, Student Union Finance Chief Janet Yellenberg announced that the school no longer has the funds to support nonessential student organizations such as Uncle Joe’s and EST, deciding instead to…

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03

Dec

Riney Loves You

On a warm July night in the summer of 2024, a group of middle school nerds attending a WashU math camp heard something strange on the way back to their dorm from a pizza party in the Women's Building. “Waaaaahhhhhh, waaaaaahhhhhhhhhhh!” A strange crying noise rang clear through the trees. They walked towards…

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