September, 2015

  • 28 September

    Scientists Discover Life on Fontbonne Campus

    A team of researchers from Washington University in St. Louis’s Earth and Planetary Sciences Department rocked the scientific community Monday when they announced the discovery of carbon-based life forms on the Fontbonne University campus. The discovery came late Thursday evening when Sapphire, the 2.4 billion dollar robot sent to explore ...

  • 28 September

    WUnderground Reviews The Fantastic Four

    By Jim “The Trendsetter” Benson   If you had told me that fateful Thursday morning what was in store for me later that night, I would slapped you so hard you would’ve seen stars. Sure I’d seen the trailers, who hadn’t? They played them before every gatdamn movie in the ...

  • 28 September

    Live-Action Role Play Club President Promises It’s Not a Weird Sex Thing

    For years, students on the 40 have been exposed to the bi-weekly rituals of the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society, which meets on the Koenig lawn every Thursday and Saturday to act out elaborate fantasies. This live-action role playing, or “LARPing,” generally consists of students dressing up in costumes and smacking ...

  • 28 September

    President Obama Can’t Wait to Jerk Off

    Though he assured the public that it won’t affect the quality of his work, President Obama admitted on Tuesday that it has been about five years since he last masturbated, and that he can’t wait to get out of the White House so he can “finally settle down for a ...

  • 28 September

    Unpaid Intern Excited to Show off Office Perks

    For someone who performs more than 80 hours per week of unpaid labor for a company that can afford to give its executives seven-figure salaries, Charlie Thomas sure is proud of his office perks, according to his friends and Instagram followers. The rising senior, who is just finishing up a ...