Responding to concern about fires near its nuclear waste dumps north of St. Louis, Mallinckrodt Pharmaceuticals assured citizens that the possible release of airborne radiation would actually have positive health effects, like giving everyone superpowers. The fires, which have been burning for nearly five years, have been getting closer and closer to the…

Bringing together scholars of various faiths, religious leaders met at the Vatican last weekend to discuss a recently uncovered and highly controversial new text. The text was received by Umar ibn Qaboos, a Hanifi Islamic scholar from Oman. Sent from a girl named Emily, a companion of Qaboos’, the text simply read, “I…

Republican presidential hopeful and Muppet surgeon Ben Carson made waves Thursday with his daring new plan to stop women from getting abortions. Building on the logic of his controversial comment about mass shootings from early October, the doctor argued that fetuses should take a more aggressive stance against their attackers.   “I said…

Describing the event as “one of the more harrowing experiences of [her] young life,” sophomore, Eliza Furman, recounted how a routine weekly call to her grandmother took a turn for the worse when her aging Bubbe refused to allow the conversation to end.   The call began as normal, with some polite chat…