Social Justice Warrior Searching For More Reasons to Boycott Class

Bergson and his fellow warriors making a difference in their attendance records.

After the April 14th walkout in support of adjunct professors was cancelled due to an agreement between the administration and employees, social justice warrior Bryan Bergson is now searching for additional reasons to boycott class. “What happened on this campus on April 14th was an outrage,” claimed Bergson. “As student ...

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Grandparents Already Saving Seats for Graduation

They also plan on napping through graduation.

With three weeks still remaining before graduation, reports from Brookings Quad indicate that the first sets of grandparents have already arrived to save front-row seats for the ceremony. Their numbers vary as many come and go from the Quad to make frequent trips to the Holmes Lounge soup bar, but ...

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RA Agrees to Let Resident Keep Prefrosh as Pet


After hours of begging, freshman Alan Block finally got permission from his RA to keep his prefrosh as a pet, so long as he promises to feed him and walk him and love him forever and ever. “The little guy just showed up outside my door last week, and we ...

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Cum Trees Preventing Campus from Being Safe Space

You can practically smell the patriarchy from here.

The cum trees — or “jizz trees” as they are colloquially known — of Washington University have recently come under fire for infringing on the campus’s status as a safe space. Students have argued that the trees are olfactorily offensive and help promote white masculine ideals. “I don’t like being ...

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Student Life to Pretend It’s Only a Joke Once a Year


Student Life, the campus publication recently celebrated as “a good reminder of the importance of recycling,” is gearing up to publish its annual “funny issue” in celebration of April Fools’ Day. The issue, known as Student Libel, refers to the act of intentional defamation of someone’s character, which is apparently ...

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WUPR Exec to Block Lame Duck President’s Actions


Citing group president Karen Ludwig’s impending graduation, members of the Washington University Political Review executive board announced that they would not approve any of the outgoing leader’s actions in the coming months. “We believe that the WUPR staff should have a say in decisions that affect their future,” said Editor ...

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WUnderground’s Guide to Easter


Maybe you heard your religious studies professor mention that Easter is on March 27 this year, but what does this actually mean? Sure we’ve all heard of Passover, Yom Kippur, and Tish’a B’Av, but what the heck is an Easter? Here at WUnderground, we were just as confused as you, ...

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This Weekend’s Social Calendar

Wednesday Tonight’s move: Theta Omega presents Cultural Appropriation and Patriarchal Domination Break out your burqas and your daddy issues! Theta O is taking all you sluts down a trail of beers at their next open party! So bring your amigas and let’s get this fiesta pumpin’, unless you’re too much ...

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