Issue 19.5

09

Apr

ChatLGBTQ: The Future of Online Love

Looking for love? Sick of Hinge offending you with its compatibility suggestions? Are you queer? Have no fear! This new AI robot has you covered. From the creators of ChatGPT, ChatL- GBTQ promises to revolutionize your dating life with a simple algorithm. Using ChatLGBTQ is easy: simply ask the bot a dating- related…

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09

Apr

OP-ED: If Planes Went Higher In The Sky The Distances Between Places Would Be Shorter

So like you know how when you’re on Google Maps and you wanna look at a place that’s really far away from the place you are. But since it automatically opens to the place you are, like basically street view, you start to zoom out? Like you’re not gonna scroll to the place…

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09

Apr

Students4Stalking Demands Change

The recent news of WebSTAC losing WUSTL Faces has hit the campus community with a particular difficulty. Students are struggling with a wide range of issues on the matter. Student A, who prefers to remain anony- mous, shared that this is her only manner for stalking men she sees at Sumers: “Not only…

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09

Apr

New Course Listing: Nonbusiness for Business Students

Dear WashU students! As we gear up for our next round of class registrations, I wanted to bring your attention to a new course being offered in the Olin Business School in thefall. It has come to our attention in recent years that while many of our students have graduated and moved on…

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09

Apr

Woof Woof, That’s the Sound of the Police

Only a month into their training, Brookie and Bear are in deep dog- shit for the questionable stop and frisk of beloved WashU icon – Socke the cat. During the search, Socke was caught with an eighth of catnip, leading to his controversial arrest. Doggy body cam footage reveals that Brookie placed the…

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