Volume 19

28

Apr

BREAKING NEWS: Governor Parson Can’t Find the Clit

Remember when the current Missouri governor, Mike Parson, was the only statewide elected official to accept gifts from a lobbyist in his first six months in office? We finally know what all that money was going towards! Parson recently released the first ever Operation Uterus board game. With this game, Parson and his…

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28

Apr

All the Emails I Receive in a Week from the WashU CS Department

Hi CSE students and faculty! Please avoid the second floor men’s bathroom for now. Thanks! (^this was a real email from 3/23/23)   CSE Students, WashU’s Women in Computer Science (WiCS) chapter is hosting an “Ex(xonMobil) Night.” Bring a picture of your ex to burn, and then listen to women who have used…

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28

Apr

A Guide to Going Out in St. Louis: Female Edition

Ah. So you want to go out in, I think it sounds lovelier in Spanish, the “most violentè Ciudad in America.” Perhaps your dad paid a proctor $50,000 dollars to inflate your ACT scores and you got into WashU. Maybe your employment at a canine food company brought you here. Perhaps you tried…

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28

Apr

Fiction Fiction Fiction Student Symposium

As John Milton would say, “Brisk as the April buds in primrose season.” This perfectly sums up the Spring Symposium of Fiction Fiction Fiction 1 students. (Note: their stories are only complete in a “figurative sense,” because the writing process is never truly finished.) Courageously, these students have hidden under desks, behind potted…

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28

Apr

So Your Boyfriend is Going Bald

It happens to all of us at some point. Having an older boyfriend sounded kind of hot until his hair gets wet and you see it: the beginnings of bald patch. Maybe his forehead was already big and his hairline was only getting higher, but, as you’ll find out, that death by a…

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