WUnderground WashU's Premier (and only) satirical newspaper!

Contact: 316-420-6969 Seeking amateur bagpipe musician for Beta fish’s funeral wake (my mom was right, I can never be entrusted with another living thing). Qualifications Must have at least 1 year of experience Actually, fuck it, I’ll take anything I can get at this point My living room is starting ...

Upon heavy request, Wash U’s Philosophy Department has begun the process of rebranding to WGSSBFM (Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies, But For Men). The university states that they hope this change will encourage white men to freely express their opinions at any time, whether prompted to or not. “I think ...

“I just wanted to throw in a fat hogger,” complained Alpha Phi sister Ainsley Ambrose after she was expelled from chapter for pulling out a tin of Grizzly. Ainsley’s incident is the latest in a string of conflicts that have arisen from the WashU sorority’s recent dipping ban. Alpha Phi ...

Representatives of the Olin Business School announced this week that they will start using a new strategy for attracting prospective students: emphasizing their robust alumni network in Hell. “The Olin Business School provides students with unparalleled access to leaders and innovators in a diverse range of morally repugnant industries,” said ...