Freshman Isaac Fisher was baffled when he received an email accusing him of an academic integrity violation after completing his Chem 111A clicker questions.
“Everywhere. It’s literally in the name. Poll Everywhere. Since when is the first floor of Dardick not a place? Make it make sense,” says Isaac, who was doing his laundry at the time of the incident.
“Where is the diversity of representation? You can’t say that only people in Wrighton 300 have a voice–It’s like how WashU claims to represent all 50 states and more than 100 countries but everyone in SU is from the Bay Area.”
Isaac, a premed student majoring in Political Science, continued on to say something about taxation without representation or consent of the governed or something our reporters don’t remember from high school history class because we were all popular.
“I could ask my friend Mark who’s in class to log in for me and do the polls, but that just feels cheap. If someone’s gonna submit aimless guesses without knowing what the question is asking, I’d rather it’d be me.”
We also interviewed sophomore Mia Chen, who says she is facing similar allegations after answering a poll question that her professor told everyone not to answer so that they could catch those voting from elsewhere:
“I was in class, I was just wearing headphones. How am I supposed to be a mysterious Pinterest girl if my professors won’t let me wear my Sony wh-1000xm4s? It’s not my fault Midnights contributes more to my personal development than St. Louis dot structures or whatever they’re called. At least getting suspended might make me seem like more of an enigma.”
We reached out to the professors of Chem 111A in response to these events and reminded them that, due to the Heisenberg Uncertainty Principle, students exist everywhere and nowhere at once. Outsmarted again, they declined to comment.