Virgo: Look out! Love is in the air. Better catch it, lest you live life loveless and alone. If you can’t catch it, duck. Libra: Watch out for sharks. And cars. And the unstoppable drumbeat of each passing second. Better yet, just stay at home today. Scorpio: Goat day! Memorize ...
Read More »Oh Shit, Previously-5’11 Dude Realizes He’s Grown an Inch
“One inch closer to the ceiling, one mile closer to the Lord, and one light year closer to losing my virginity,” said sophomore Jack Simons, when asked to describe his new existence. After standing back-to-back with a known 6-footer yesterday in the Village stir-fry line, Simons realized that he, too, ...
Read More »In New Ad Campaign, Official Funyuns™ Twitter Account Pretends to be Kidnapped, Imprisoned Brendan Fraser
In a bold new ad campaign, the Funyuns™ twitter account is pretending to be operated by a captured and coerced Brendan Fraser, the Hollywood star best known for his roles in the Mummy franchise. Coming in the wake of several other bizarre Twitter marketing campaigns from brands attempting to appeal ...
Read More »CGI Coordinator for The Mummy Finally Speaks Out
After 22 years of denying interviews to reporters, the special effects coordinator on the set of The Mummy finally agreed to give us an insight into the wonders of The Mummy universe—and why he quit during the shooting of the second movie. “Brendan Fraser was a method actor, you see,” ...
Read More »Girl-illa warfare tactics you just HAVE to try
Is there someone in your life who you desperately want to get rid of? Someone you wish would just disappear? Look no further: here are several girl-illa warfare tactics I’ve learned throughout my life that are sure to make that person never contact you again. Invite them to join your ...
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