The Career Center recently announced that the opening of Starbucks in McKelvey Hall will also double as an internship program specifically targeted at the University’s political science majors.  “Starbucks will be great for these students,” said Mark Goldstein, a spokesperson for the Career Center. “It’s a pretentious enough environment so ...

_____ ______ (obscure C-list actor) has died at _____ (unusually young age) years old due to ____________ (foodborne illness you once caught at Chipotle). He is known for his roles in _____________ (cable show that only had one season) and ______________ (overly-priced off-Broadway show), but also for his involvement with ...

Last Spring, Tinder, the most popular dating cough self-indulgent, masturbatory swiping cough platform among young adults, introduced a feature allowing users to indicate whether they had been vaccinated against COVID-19. Now, the company has pivoted and released an update allowing users to indicate whether they have an active COVID-19 infection.  ...

Andrew D. Martin. The enigma. Many wonder how he handles his prestigious responsibilities. Sources close to the Chancellor have informed WUnderground that he has been suffering from insomnia since taking up his administration last year. They also sent us the following transcript of his conversation with his psychiatrist. MARTIN: You ...

Before this information gets redacted by the higher authorities, WUnderground must report on a breaking discovery: Pyramid Promotions is scheming with the illuminati. Yes, this vague company that students blindly throw cash at is tied with the biggest WashU conspiracy to date. No one actually knows where the money that ...

This morning, the WashU College Republicans announced that they are commencing a full-out invasion of the State of Afghanistan. This news comes after the US recently pulled all troops out of Kabul in August, and after failing to do so in July, and after failing to do so in June, ...

As the weather begins to dip into a chilly Midwestern 45, seasonal depression is starting to consume WashU’s exhausted student body. In the long lines of Cherry Tree, students can be seen sipping watered down coffee murk in between “eye rests.” One student can be seen on the brink of ...

Sorry, not to interrupt whatever you were saying. I’m sure it was really interesting. But I interned in New York this summer. Let me tell you about it.  It was great and I learned a lot about myself and living in the world…actually, it was super depressing. I took pictures ...

On Oct. 4, Washington University announced that it is adopting a need-blind admissions policy starting this application cycle. Many thought that the University’s unprecedented $5.7 billion endowment pool gains are what triggered the policy adoption. However, Chancellor Andrew Martin, in an interview, explained that this was not the case. “We ...

1. Samuel L. Jackson reading The Very Hungry Caterpillar 2.Whoever the fuck “Surfaces” is 3. All 3 Spider-Men 4. Live feeding of SU funds to an alligator 5. Only the dead Beatles 6. Ken Bone 7. The Aristocats 8. WUPD Mental Health Attack Squad 9. Chancellor Martin’s Spotify Wrapped 10. ...