Opening of Starbucks in McKelvey Hall to Provide Valuable Internship Opportunities for Political Science Majors

The Career Center recently announced that the opening of Starbucks in McKelvey Hall will also double as an internship program specifically targeted at the University’s political science majors. 

“Starbucks will be great for these students,” said Mark Goldstein, a spokesperson for the Career Center. “It’s a pretentious enough environment so we know they will fit in right away. Yet, they are also doing something meaningful for society. Well, at least more meaningful than babbling on about Alexis de Tocqueville or Hans Morgenthau.”

“When we ask these students what their aspirations are, they mention that they want to change our country and the world, improve geopolitical conditions, and fix our dying international structures and our eroding national security,” said Goldstein. 

He continued, “I tell them, ‘Listen, you are destined for none of that. But know that what you will be doing is just as important. You might not fix the international liberal order, but you will be making a Nitro Cold Brew for someone who will!’”

“They always ask me, ‘Can I get placed at CSIS or GSG, or at least somewhere with an acronym?’ I reply, softly, ‘As soon as Harvard and Brown stop churning out good-for-nothing idiots like you, you can.’ Usually, that settles them down.”

Sophomore political science student Carrie Hills said that she was frustrated at first but found the program to be beneficial in the end.

“I asked what my chances were of eventually working at Brookings,” she said. “They told me, if I work hard enough, am driven and dedicated, I can make it to the Starbucks at Dupont Circle, two minutes from the Brookings office.”

The Career Center says that success of this program has inspired them to start developing something similar for anthropology majors and the Trader Joes in Brentwood.

Update: The Political Science Department released a statement rebutting this article after its initial publication. Below is an excerpt from their statement:

“This ill-intended article claims that we only prepare students for careers such as those at Starbucks. In reality, we also well equip our students to marry finance graduates.”