On the chilly evening of September 30th, 2024 I attended a lecture in Graham Chapel about how to consensually sexually choke people. It was gratifying to be surrounded by so many unwed scholar champions passionate about bondage, discipline, sadism, and of course masochism. The energy was titillating among the students ...

If you’re like me, you may have assumed that Outing Club’s activities consisted entirely of pitching tents on Mudd Field, occupying every single hammock station on campus, and occasionally hugging trees, but apparently they actually hold meetings.  After failing to avoid eye contact as I trudged purposefully through the Activities ...

Satire papers do exist on this campus. And they are a menace. I have conducted multiple interviews with an anonymous source (who is definitely not my friend) who went through the recruitment process for one such publication, WUnderground. And I am on a crusade to expose the inner-workings of this ...

Regardless of your side on the relevant StudLife op-ed debate, it’s clear that Sabrina Carpenter is that good at arousing feelings among college students. Last week, the WashU Department of Psychology tested just how aroused students can get: over three weeks, students in Psych 100 listened to songs from “Short ...

Ah, autumn. The metaphorical teenage years of the first semester of your freshman year. By now, you’ve probably settled into a good routine: figured out how to study for that class, talked to that guy you like, maybe even learned your limits with alcohol (don’t worry you definitely haven’t!). But ...

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  Every good abstinent boy knows his Zelda games. And in the case of 2023’s The Legend of Zelda: Tears of the Kingdom, it was a pleasure to make its acquaintance. The latest game in the long-running series serves primarily as a sequel to 2017’s smash hit The Legend of ...

Can you believe it’s only been a little over a year since YikYak I mean Gaggl I mean Sidechat took WashU by storm? For just over 3 grueling semesters, our esteemed scholar champions have been able to project their stream of consciousness both completely unprompted, and, better yet, completely anonymously ...

In a recent campaign to boost morale among Habif staff and save money in a healthcare system that has been immensely affected by inflation, Habif employees have created restrictions on who can take a test to check for sexually transmitted diseases.  The parameters:  “But do you think they actually fuck?”  ...

  Q: So I know this guy who’s afraid of sex. What can he do to not be afraid of it and can I tell him myself? A: Stay afraid. Sex is scary. Lots of liquids and noises. You know what they say, a life lived out of fear is ...