Dear Men, If you are celebrating National BF Day, congratulations! You didn’t make my critical error. On National GF Day this year, well, I skipped it. I don’t remember if I forgot or thought it would be funny, but either way, I remember it didn’t go well. It turns out ...

Aries: March 21 – April 19: You see that guy behind you? You don’t? He’s right there. Behind you. Right there. He’s coming closer. Oh wait that’s just your shadow. Taurus: April 20 – May 20: Don’t trust your gut today. Your tapeworm has bad judgment.  Gemini: May 21- June ...

Nashville-based country singer Taylor Swift was reportedly present at last week’s WashU football game against Illinois Wesleyan University. Though the entire team corroborates the story, there is a suspicious lack of witnesses to the attendance of the daughter of successful stockbroker Scott Kingsley Swift who were not athletes or coaching ...

Seigle Hall. The DUC. Crow Hall. These are the names of some of the most iconic spaces on WashU’s campus. And also the physics building. But I’m gonna drop a truth bomb on you guys: these are also all the names of BIRDS!!! (if you pronounce them out loud and ...

To make this article easier for me to write and you to read, I’ll cut to the chase: I can’t keep my underpants clean. But the stench is not nearly enough to keep my peers away from me at all times, so I figured I’d put it into writing to ...

Last Thursday, two officers held down Jonathan Davis while a third hit him repeatedly with his car. Davis was caught fleeing the CVS at 6211 Delmar Blvd with a box of stolen macadamia nut Clif Bars. The 28-year-old lost his job in August and needed food for his wife and ...

Gas is $5. It’s impossible to buy a home. Inflation this. Recession that. Something about the Dow? For months, economists have been scratching their heads trying to figure out the reason for America’s economic woes. Finally, the root cause has been determined: the Invisible Hand is broken.  For centuries, the ...

Remember when the current Missouri governor, Mike Parson, was the only statewide elected official to accept gifts from a lobbyist in his first six months in office? We finally know what all that money was going towards! Parson recently released the first ever Operation Uterus board game. With this game, ...

Hi CSE students and faculty! Please avoid the second floor men’s bathroom for now. Thanks! (^this was a real email from 3/23/23)   CSE Students, WashU’s Women in Computer Science (WiCS) chapter is hosting an “Ex(xonMobil) Night.” Bring a picture of your ex to burn, and then listen to women ...

Ah. So you want to go out in, I think it sounds lovelier in Spanish, the “most violentè Ciudad in America.” Perhaps your dad paid a proctor $50,000 dollars to inflate your ACT scores and you got into WashU. Maybe your employment at a canine food company brought you here. ...