WUnderground WashU's Premier (and only) satirical newspaper!
Dear Men,
If you are celebrating National BF Day, congratulations! You didn’t make my critical error. On National GF Day this year, well, I skipped it. I don’t remember if I forgot or thought it would be funny, but either way, I remember it didn’t go well.
It turns out that not celebrating National GF Day means you won’t be a boyfriend when National BF Day comes around. It’s kind of like a buy-one (you must)-get-one-offer.
In this all-or-nothing scenario, when National GF Day comes around again, try to avoid lines like “I forgot because I was busy paying off all of our dates, including the 16 oz. steak you absolutely put down last night and finished off with 5 glasses of Chateau Margaux 1787, which you called a ‘palate cleanser.’”
Recommended alternatives: “I got you these $100 flowers!” through gritted teeth or an Instagram story shoutout in a photo where she looks good even though you have a leaf in your hair.
Now you may be wondering, “Why be in more debt?!” I sure was. But take it from me,
outcomes from celebrating *her* special day may result in:
Fewer flowers (she bought them for herself ) being thrown in your face and not smelling like roses with a hint of blue perennial salvia for a week… wow she was high-maintenance
Not being broken up with and having all of your belongings still intact (including Rudy your stuffed bear)
Ability to celebrate National BF Day this calendar year (Less important, but she may even buy you a gift! Turns out face masks are truly life-changing)
Enough from me – Go celebrate! Wishing a happy National BF Day to all! SingleUser123
Venmo: ready-2-mingle (seriously tho)
Steak contributions welcome.