Last Thursday, two officers held down Jonathan Davis while a third hit him repeatedly with his car. Davis was caught fleeing the CVS at 6211 Delmar Blvd with a box of stolen macadamia nut Clif Bars. The 28-year-old lost his job in August and needed food for his wife and ...

Gas is $5. It’s impossible to buy a home. Inflation this. Recession that. Something about the Dow? For months, economists have been scratching their heads trying to figure out the reason for America’s economic woes. Finally, the root cause has been determined: the Invisible Hand is broken.  For centuries, the ...

Remember when the current Missouri governor, Mike Parson, was the only statewide elected official to accept gifts from a lobbyist in his first six months in office? We finally know what all that money was going towards! Parson recently released the first ever Operation Uterus board game. With this game, ...

Hi CSE students and faculty! Please avoid the second floor men’s bathroom for now. Thanks! (^this was a real email from 3/23/23)   CSE Students, WashU’s Women in Computer Science (WiCS) chapter is hosting an “Ex(xonMobil) Night.” Bring a picture of your ex to burn, and then listen to women ...

Ah. So you want to go out in, I think it sounds lovelier in Spanish, the “most violentè Ciudad in America.” Perhaps your dad paid a proctor $50,000 dollars to inflate your ACT scores and you got into WashU. Maybe your employment at a canine food company brought you here. ...

As John Milton would say, “Brisk as the April buds in primrose season.” This perfectly sums up the Spring Symposium of Fiction Fiction Fiction 1 students. (Note: their stories are only complete in a “figurative sense,” because the writing process is never truly finished.) Courageously, these students have hidden under ...

It happens to all of us at some point. Having an older boyfriend sounded kind of hot until his hair gets wet and you see it: the beginnings of bald patch. Maybe his forehead was already big and his hairline was only getting higher, but, as you’ll find out, that ...

Whispers Simply put, you thrift. You would rather stick a plastic Whispers fork in your eye than wear jeans that are not from Avalon. But for some reason you also are wearing those 300 dollar apple Beats by Dre around your neck like you’re from Shake it Up. Also you ...

Jonah Hill wasn’t the reason I started liking jewish people, the parkside bagel was. This is my story.  My biggest issue with Kanye West’s only instagram post is that he claims Jonah Hill’s performance in 21 Jump Street is the reason he decided not to hate Jewish people anymore. I’ve ...

Looking for love? Sick of Hinge offending you with its compatibility suggestions? Are you queer? Have no fear! This new AI robot has you covered. From the creators of ChatGPT, ChatL- GBTQ promises to revolutionize your dating life with a simple algorithm. Using ChatLGBTQ is easy: simply ask the bot ...