1. Exfoliate Prior to tanning, exfoliating with a loofah or scrubber helps to get rid of the top layer of dead skin. This allows your tan to develop on the fresh new skin that was underneath, lengthening the duration of your tan! The following link will provide the steps you ...
Read More »Members of Mystery Inc. Charged with Trespassing, Aggravated Assault
Investigations into Mystery Inc. concluded on Monday morning, with prosecutors leveling charges against several of the firm’s employees for trespassing and felony assault. The vigilante organization, founded by Fred Jones Jr., first generated public scrutiny after hospitalizing area theater director Michael Davensport with a series of improvised “Scooby trap” devices. ...
Read More »Internet Usage on South 40 Breaks Record During Fall Break
In a surprising statement, the Washington University Director of Technology announced that Fall Break defied all typical trends with a massive spike in Internet usage. The statement theorized that since the four-day weekend allowed many students to leave St. Louis, many roommates were freed of the restrictions of a shared ...
Read More »Boy Scouts Expanding Into New, Weirdly Niche Groups
The Boy Scouts of America recently announced their decision to accept girls, raising concerns over the future of partner organization Girl Scouts of America. “In response to changing definitions of gender identities, we think it would be best to focus on the interests of our creative, socially lethargic young scouts,” ...
Read More »White House Expels Steve Bannon by Chanting Name Three Times
According to sources, the spirit of chief strategist Steven Bannon was forcibly expelled from the White House on Friday after staffers recited an incantation purging the West Wing of Mr. Bannon’s ghost. “There was just this horrible screeching,” remarked one advisor witness to Mr. Bannon’s expulsion. Bannon, a seventh century ...
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