Shame on you, the know-it-all that you are! I bestow upon you a problem and, look, there it is, the answer! You reduce my most pressing adversities to subjects of analytical dissections, stripping them of their depth and complexity. You act as if you have the keys to the universe, ...
Read More »Clash of the Titans
CLAYTON, MO – The divisions between WashU’s straight men have never been so deep. Timberland Boots, which had this campus in a chokehold circa 2019, have been steadily losing ground to LL Bean’s “duck boots,” a relative newcomer in the world of low-effort WashU men’s fall fashion. Our in-depth campus ...
Read More »Illiterate Student Society Launches New “guiawerhfewiuhfakjhf” Campaign
WashU’s little-known illiteracy club launches into the public eye as they begin a new campus-wide media campaign. Students report sightings of flyers across campus, on bulletin boards, in bathroom stalls, and wedged between chicken and fries in a dining hall dish which wishes to remain anonymous. But what is ...
Read More »Skandalaris Center Launches New “Sue the Poors” Service
Following the successes of programs like WashU Wash and WaterDrop’d, the Skandalaris Center has elected to open yet another business directed towards its prime clientele, the children of the one percent. This new small business, known as “Sue the Poors”, will provide an indispensable service to WashU students, by opening ...
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