WUnderground WashU's Premier (and only) satirical newspaper!

An investigation conducted by WashU’s Premier journalists has exposed where your gross food-particle-y spit goes post COVID test (we know you don’t actually abstain from unholy indulgences/extravagances like food and water for 30 minutes before the test, you ignorant fools). We never actually see where the vials of spit go ...

Junior Audrey Kiser let out a sigh of  relief in the early hours of Saturday morning after discovering that she was left unaroused by calling her sexual partner “daddy.” “There are a lot of things that my sexual preferences reveal about me that are un-ideal,” said Kiser, “but it was ...

Supplement Question #4: How has an undergraduate volunteer, extracurricular, or research experience better prepared you for medical school?   During the Covid-19 crisis, I wondered, like many other people, what I could do to help bring an end to this pandemic. While some of my peers signed up for the ...

Indulgences remit sins. Right? WRONG. Ever wondered why you spend hours doing “good works” every day but it doesn’t seem to get you anywhere? That’s because it never has, and I know that’s hard to believe, but it’s true. If you’ve been trying to get into heaven, you know just ...