ST. LOUIS, MO—Washington University Student and proud Chaco wearer Harley Jensen might be the hero this crumbling planet needs. “Harley works tirelessly to redeem our vice-ridden society,” says a source close to the subject. “From retweeting Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez to posting snapshots of the Amazon’s burnt husk, she fights to bring ...
Read More »Ad Council Debuts Reverse Psychology Anti-Smoking Campaign
In an innovative marketing move, the Ad Council debuted a series of PSA’s last week using reverse psychology to fight teen smoking. The campaign, titled “Smoke You Pussy,” hopes to incite anti-authority reactions in the nation’s rebellious teens. Ads featured will contain images of teens portrayed as popular, attractive, and ...
Read More »Sesame Street Foreclosures Escalate Neighborhood Tensions
Hostilities reached a tipping point on Sesame Street last Thursday when yet another forced eviction drew police presence to the neighborhood. Tenant and local barber Theodore PoodleDoodle refused to vacate his property upon arrival of foreclosure agents, enlisting help from neighbors to incite a riot. Witnesses describe a standoff between ...
Read More »LEAKED: Student Union Fall Game Day Calendar 2019
Building off the success of their Football and Baseball Game Day tailgates, members of Student Union have decided to expand the Game Day program to other, more niche, campus events. Who knew all you needed was alcohol, free food, and the tacit endorsement of Greek Life to host a successful ...
Read More »Op-Ed: I’d fuck the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® bear
I think we can agree that after a long day, nothing beats the calming, relaxing taste of Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea®. However, over the years, I couldn’t help but notice that someone has gone underappreciated, undervalued: the Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime Tea® bear. Given the chance, I would make him feel ...
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