SHS Prepping for Housing Casualties

In advance of housing petitions opening, Student Health Services has hired some of the world’s top surgeons to mitigate the school’s annual rooming-inspired mass casualties. “Each year anywhere between fifty and one hundred underclassmen are killed by former suitemates,” claimed SHS director Ira Glass. “Although we can’t stop the coordinated ...

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WILD Decision Looking Rocky but SPB to announce A.S.A.P.

WashU’s social programming board announced Wednesday that their decision for Spring WILD is still under heavy debate. After failing to produce a Fall WILD, SPB feels pressure to deliver a high profile artist for this spring’s concert. We asked SPB representative Jessica Higgins for a quote, to which she replied ...

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Jerry Sandusky Named Top Athletic Director Candidate

Reports recently surfaced that former Penn State football coach Jerry Sandusky is one of the top choices in Washington University’s search for a new athletic director. The announcement comes in the wake of the departure of Justin X. Carroll, who was indicted on federal child pornography charges in January. In ...

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Sophomore Accepts Internship at Organ Research Institute

It’s that time of the year again. Students across Washington University are frantically trying to secure summer internships to boost their future career prospects. For one students, however, the search is over. This past Friday, sophomore Dennis Westman accepted a summer internship at Organ Research Group, a biomedical firm that ...

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A Guide to GETTING BUFF Without Actually Fucking Working Out

Spring Break is right around the corner, and we at WUnderground know that many of you guys promised yourselves that over the long winter, you’d chisel out that monster body you’ve always wanted.  We also know that probably hasn’t happened.  But fear not!  Our top cryptologists have deciphered the message ...

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Is Your Roommate Rich?

Dear Callan, So my roommate and I have never been particularly close, but after the SES report about WashU came out, I’m starting to think she might be a 1%-er. But I’m not sure how to tell? Are there signs I should be looking for? -Rich Roomie Quan     ...

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Pre–Med Requirements

Everyone at WashU is pre-med – it’s common knowledge! However, not everyone realizes the huge commitment they’re making when they decide to follow the pre-med track. We at WUnderground would like to help inform potential pre-meds, because we’re super nice people. Here are the things you need in order to ...

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A Rapper’s Quest to Become Socially Conscious

Established rapper Yung Turkey has certainly made his mark on the music scene.  Over a career spanning decades, he has popularized a genre known as ‘Gangsta Rap,’ sometimes controversial for its vulgar, demeaning lyrics.  But it seems that the rapper is ready to turn over a new leaf.  He tells ...

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Canada Geese Flock South, Land At Wash U

With another winter season upon us, Canada geese are flocking to campus once again. In order to escape the harsh Canadian winter, they have migrated to Missouri and can now be found around campus establishing breeding colonies and adjusting to life in this human-altered area. Last Tuesday, these new Wash ...

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