By Jim “The Trendsetter” Benson If you had told me that fateful Thursday morning what was in store for me later that night, I would slapped you so hard you would’ve seen stars. Sure I’d seen the trailers, who hadn’t? They played them before every gatdamn movie in the ...
Read More »Live-Action Role Play Club President Promises It’s Not a Weird Sex Thing
For years, students on the 40 have been exposed to the bi-weekly rituals of the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society, which meets on the Koenig lawn every Thursday and Saturday to act out elaborate fantasies. This live-action role playing, or “LARPing,” generally consists of students dressing up in costumes and smacking ...
Read More »President Obama Can’t Wait to Jerk Off
Though he assured the public that it won’t affect the quality of his work, President Obama admitted on Tuesday that it has been about five years since he last masturbated, and that he can’t wait to get out of the White House so he can “finally settle down for a ...
Read More »Unpaid Intern Excited to Show off Office Perks
For someone who performs more than 80 hours per week of unpaid labor for a company that can afford to give its executives seven-figure salaries, Charlie Thomas sure is proud of his office perks, according to his friends and Instagram followers. The rising senior, who is just finishing up a ...
Read More »Joe Biden Considering Going On A Run
Issue 12.1
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