A recent investigation investigation conducted by Student Life, WashU’s premier [only] nonsatirical independent student newspaper, studied why leaves have been changing colors and suspiciously disappearing from trees, concluding campus fraternities were behind the stunt. The two-week-long investigation included thorough questioning of eye-witnesses, a comprehensive student survey, and other strategies often employed by newspapers…

WashU’s environmental friendliness has always been a source of pride for the administration and student body. Over the past few years the school removed every trash can from campus, forbade all students and alums from ever purchasing SUVs, and stopped selling bottled water. In recognition of these exceptional steps, the school was awarded…

In an effort to ease veterans back into the workforce, a new local eatery called “SubMarines” is exclusively hiring former soldiers who suffer from post-traumatic stress disorder (PTSD). To smooth their transition, owner Tex “Sarge” Denver tries to find common ground between their experiences in the field of war and challenges of the…

Facing criticism over reports that he’s been training his golden retriever to attack students who receive need-based financial aid, Chancellor Wrighton held a press conference this week to clarify his position on the University’s economic issues. A source within the Wrighton Administration revealed that the move was made in response to low approval…