“Safest WILD Ever” sees 30% drop in students attacked by crocodiles

“Safest WILD Ever” sees 30% drop in students attacked by crocodiles

Last weekend’s Fall WILD saw remarkable improvements in safety, with record few students suffering crocodile attack related injuries. The numbers are 30% lower than the previous record, leading SPB president Leo Park to declare this the “safest WILD ever.”   “We’re really proud of what we accomplished this year safety-wise,” said Park. “Our…
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Connie to Add Glass to All Campus Sweets

Connie to Add Glass to All Campus Sweets

Connie Diekman of Dining Services has been quietly rolling out her plan this past week to include shards of glass in all baked goods sold on campus.   “I’ve tried everything that I could think of to get these kids to eat healthy, but not single flier I’ve put in BD seems to…
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Student who pays $60,000 for tuition excited by free lunch

Student who pays $60,000 for tuition excited by free lunch

Chowing down on a piece of Domino’s pizza that he had snuck from a free lunch spread in Bauer Hall, WashU senior Walter Bergstrom reported feeling thrilled by the sudden windfall. Bergstrom, who pays full tuition at one of the most expensive universities in the world, admitted that he probably could have grabbed…
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