WUnderground WashU's Premier (only) Satirical Newspaper Est. 2004
You know what you did. Just say you’re sorry to Don Cheadle. He knows you didn’t mean it. He doesn’t even think ill of you. All he wants is to know you regret doing what you did because it was wrong, plain and simple. Listen, we all make mistakes, and ...
November, 2016
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4 November
Wrighton Email MadLibs: Election Edition
To the Washington University community: I write to you today to address the Presidential election that concluded yesterday. Yesterday, we, the __(Nationality)___ people, voted into office __(Famous Celebrity)__. While many on this campus may not (verb) with this choice, it is imperative that we now ______(verb)______ together as one _______(body ...
October, 2016
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27 October
WUSA Drops Out of School to Pursue Culinary Ambitions
This week sophomore Jessica Abrams has officially declared to her friends and family that she will no longer be attending Wash U. Abrams explained her departure in an emotional facebook post: “Dearest friends and loved ones. It fills me with great excitement to say that I am heading on to ...
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27 October
Open Discussion for Democracy and Disagreement Ends in Fatal Stabbing
The University-hosted Open Discussion for Democracy and Disagreement took an unexpected turn September 14th when it suddenly ended in a fatal stabbing. The incident stemmed from a disagreement between freshman Austin Wilson and junior Lauryn Saunders-Brownstein. “Austin was totally out of control,” claimed a witness who refuses to label herself ...
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27 October
Unfazed by Debate Rejection, Johnson Forges Ahead in Campaign
As the University prepares itself for the upcoming presidential debate between Hillary Clinton and Donald Trump, an increased sense of excitement can be felt throughout campus. Less excited, however, is Libertarian Party candidate Gary Johnson, who failed to gain the 15% support in national polls needed to be invited to ...