Uncategorized – Page 3

01

Nov

OP ED: Sentiments of a Pant-Shitter

To make this article easier for me to write and you to read, I’ll cut to the chase: I can’t keep my underpants clean. But the stench is not nearly enough to keep my peers away from me at all times, so I figured I’d put it into writing to make sure it…

WashU to Move Seigle Hall Three Inches to the Left

15

Feb

WashU to Move Seigle Hall Three Inches to the Left

The revolution is finally upon us. Moving Forward. Transformation. Here and Next. These are all words to describe the trajectory WashU has been taking in the last few years. Seeing as the university is at the forefront of science, arts, and culture (by Midwestern standards), the administration of this great institution has its…

Study finds Poll Everywhere Questions Not To Be Answered Everywhere

15

Feb

Study finds Poll Everywhere Questions Not To Be Answered Everywhere

Freshman Isaac Fisher was baffled when he received an email accusing him of an academic integrity violation after completing his Chem 111A clicker questions. “Everywhere. It’s literally in the name. Poll Everywhere. Since when is the first floor of Dardick not a place? Make it make sense,” says Isaac, who was doing his…

15

Feb

Obituaries

Hulk the Second from the Lopata House, Village, passed away on Tuesday, January 24, 2023. He was one month and seventeen days old. Hulk was hatched from his aquatic egg sack in early December. At least, his owners hope so. Otherwise, he sat in that shit-filled Petco fish tank way longer than any…

15

Feb

Annual Letter from Your Midwestern Grandma

Annual Letter from Your Midwestern Grandma Dearest Eldest (or Blondest) Grandchild, Seasonal greetings from [Insert region that begins with “Central”]. I rarely get to see you because your heretical parents keep you from me, and apparently, your generation does not “do” telegrams. As such, I will tell you about my year–2022–in extreme…