Volume 19

09

Apr

New Course Listing: Nonbusiness for Business Students

Dear WashU students! As we gear up for our next round of class registrations, I wanted to bring your attention to a new course being offered in the Olin Business School in thefall. It has come to our attention in recent years that while many of our students have graduated and moved on…

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09

Apr

Woof Woof, That’s the Sound of the Police

Only a month into their training, Brookie and Bear are in deep dog- shit for the questionable stop and frisk of beloved WashU icon – Socke the cat. During the search, Socke was caught with an eighth of catnip, leading to his controversial arrest. Doggy body cam footage reveals that Brookie placed the…

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09

Apr

Student Perspective: Turns Out, Other Airports Don’t Have Ted Drewes Vending Machines

Over Spring Break, I was in LAX, and everything was good, I was feeling like 2009 Miley Cyrus, it was great. All of a sudden, though, I started feeling really on edge. Almost panicked. “Are you alright?” my friend asked. “You look like you actually need one of the Xanax I take to…

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09

Apr

Sumers Rec Center to Install New Exorcise Room

Last Thursday, campus administration unveiled plans to rehab the beloved Gary M. Sumers Recreation Center. Most notable of the $666 million project are designs to outfit the building with a new exorcise room, available to all students. “We’ve been feeling some bad juju on campus lately,” Sayta Nick-Rich Yuilles, a Campus Life representative,…

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09

Apr

Crisis Averted: WashU Solves Diversity Problem With One Saliva Swab

Anyone who attends our lovely university here in St. Louis is privy to its lack of diversity. The school is almost 50 percent White according to collegefactual.com, more than the amount of Black, Asian, or Hispanic students combined. Or, in other words, the school has 28 acapella groups. The website ranked WashU below…

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