Volume 19

Location: North Pole Feeling: A bit peeved off  Well, it’s official. Santa has gone woke. That’s right, he’s Jewish now. Just kidding. But it’s almost just as bad. Old Saint Nicholas must have asked his little serfs for a surfboard this year (we’re still busting nuts for his union busting) ...

My Christmas List for Santa   Dear Santa,    I got an extensive list this year because I was super cool and nice to my little brother Brady who fucking stinks and smells like Lemonheads all the time. I even went and visited him at Tufts and met his girlfriend ...

There was once a giant tent in the middle of Mudd Field. Only real ones remember. Then the COVID-testing tent was vanquished and the power to test for COVID was returned to the people, who immediately commenced gleefully swabbing their noses in the middle of Stanley’s. However, those of us ...

WUPD’s new drug-sniffing dogs had barely been on campus for a week when they were pulled from duty, with WUPD citing “inaccuracy” as the main factor in their removal. To the officers’ disbelief, the dogs instantly tried to go to frat row. At first the police laughed it off and ...