Google to Acquire France for $1.65 Trillion

Google announced this afternoon that it would buy France, the popular European country, for stock that it valued at $1.65 Trillion.

Google beat out a number of other France suitors, including the United Kingdom, Germany, and Elon Musk. By once again successfully negotiating the deal, Google has once again proved that it is the world’s dominant player.

Under the terms of the deal, France will retain much of its identity and will keep its name and office in Paris, more than 5000 miles from Google’s headquarters in Mountain View, California.

Francois Hollande, France’s president, has repeatedly said he would prefer for his country to remain independent. Asked about such comments in a WUnderground conference call, Hollande clarified, “Merde, I don’t know, I just don’t, how you say, care any more.”

The rise of France has been meteoric. The European start-up has been in operation for less than 1000 years, yet it already has an estimated 66 million citizens.

The deal will greatly benefit France, which would have Google’s vast resources to help it navigate some sticky legal issues. Far right populists often find their way into France’s political system, despite efforts by the county to prevent it.

Overall, the deal represents a major win for Google, who has seen its stock price rise to an all time $861 high, and its plans for world domination furthered.