Couple Hooking Up for Three Months Takes Relationship to Next Level, Get Coffee

After four months of avoiding eye contact on campus and at least biweekly “you up” texts, sophomore Rachel Levin and junior Richard Weissman have reached a comfort level in their relationship that may finally allow for cordial conversation during daylight hours.

The duo, who met through a mutual friend during a welcome week event at what was either formerly known as or was currently called the Rustic Goat, hit it off right away, as evidenced by their nearly instantaneous *~~*Dance Floor Make Out*~~*.

Since their fortuitous meeting, the young lovebirds have been “casually hanging out” late at night nearly every weekend of the semester. During an interview, Levin, who initiated this gargantuan step into the couple’s future, admitted that she was nervous but excited to delve into Weismann’s deeper side. She is optimistic that this is the direct path to securing what could be her “first real college boyfriend.” When pressed for comment, Weissman asked for clarification as to which Rachel we were referring to.