Reports confirmed that local apartment 7222 Forsyth Blvd. 3W is growing uneasy that the snot-nosed punks who toured it last week might actually sign the lease and rent it. With no new tours since then, 3W has been left to contemplate what it calls “a worst case scenario.”
“I can’t imagine what I would do if those guys actually moved into me,” reported the three bedroom, one and a half bath apartment. “One of them was even taking pictures. Jesus Christ I think they could be serious.”
The apartment first reacted to the sheer, unwashed smell of the visitors, clamping closed its air conditioning vents to avoid breathing the noxious fumes. 3W became more uncomfortable when two of the potential tenants starting asking about living with a pet. “I could tell they weren’t talking about a cat or a dog,” it added.
7222 Forsyth 2E, a neighbor and longtime friend to 7222 Forsyth 3W, told reporters 3W was likely feeling anxious after a breakup with its previous tenants, a group of kindly graduate students.
“3W took the loss hard. The old residents were so nice to it and bought it all this tasteful furniture, so it wasn’t easy to watch them go,” said 2E.
Real Estate agent and apartment whisperer Jillian Banbury told reporters that what 3W is going through is normal for domiciles with a history of abandonment. “3W feels like it is being used,” she reported. “Tenants come and go, so it can be difficult for an apartment to build trust, especially when some residents are as awful as the three little shits who looked at it last week.”
The important thing to remember, Banbury added, was that apartments definitely can and do cry.