Issue 9.2

14

Sep

Professional Wrestling Marred by Replacement Referees

The ongoing strike by International Wrestling Federation referees has forced the league to hire replacement officials, but some believe that the new officials are unprepared for the frantic pace of the sport. Many wrestlers have already come forward to complain about the referees. “These scabs are terrible!” said former World Champion Enrique Calzone.…

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14

Sep

Chancellor Wrighton Relieved of Duties After Allegations of Glow Stick Fraud Surface

The Washington University  Board of Directors announced today that it has unanimously voted to relieve Mark S. Wrighton of his duties as Chancellor. The announcement comes after allegations surfaced that the former Chancellor lied about inventing the glow stick on his resume. “I am extremely disappointed by these recent findings,” said Board Chairman…

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14

Sep

Connect the Dots Muhammad

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14

Sep

Art Student Tries to Not Take His Work Too Seriously

To prepare for his second semester as a painting major, junior Silas Maddox felt he needed to “take the pressure off” and simply enjoy what he loves to do. The painting studios at Wash U often produce high-strung students who get so caught up attempting to master the conceptual form that they start…

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14

Sep

Career Center Finally Helps First Student Find Job

In an unprecedented turn of events, the Washington University Career Center announced that it has finally helped a graduating senior land a job. The announcement came in the form of a 3:00 am Record email, in which Career Center Director Mark Smith was quoted saying, “We’re pleased to announce that senior Matt Richardson…

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