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January, 2022
October, 2021
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15 October
Top 10 Sharks
Great white Okay white Left shark The one from Shark Tales my dad thinks is gay Me when the kids at the local pool ask me to be the shark in their sharks and minnows game The one that raced Michael Phelps (and won!) Mark Cuban The one whose teeth ...
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15 October
We Sent the Boss Baby to the Maternity Ward to Train the Newbies
According to the CDC, nearly 4 million babies are born every year in the U.S. That’s nearly three times the size of the U.S. military. However, this high birth rate means little to nothing considering how weak, dumb, and wrinkly the vast majority of babies are. But what if we ...
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15 October
My Interview With the Anti-LARPing Movement
This past weekend, a group of concerned citizens gathered around the Koenig lawn to obstruct the training session of the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society, or what the protestors refer to as ‘LARPers”. I asked around to get a better understanding of their diverse grievances. “Every Saturday I look out from ...
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15 October
Student Hits Devious Lick on COVID-Testing Tent
Freshman Jared Small was seen fleeing campus late Thursday evening with the Mudd Field COVID-testing tent tucked under his arm. A video of the contraband appeared on Small’s TikTok video app account later the same day with the caption “just hit the most diabolical lick 👅🤩😈🎪.” All 14 of Small’s ...