Top 10 Reasons We’re Enemies

10. you laughed too hard at my self-deprecating joke

9. You asked me where Bolivia was in front of people

8. When i asked you if this dress made my ass look fat you said no

7. When i asked you if this dress made my ass look fat in 2011 you said yes

6. You are poor and I’m the admissions committee

5. I’m not in a good place rn. I promise it’s not your fault

4. You hyped up your friend like he was real. I was so excited to meet Boffa

3. You had a parasocial emotional affair with Robert Pattinson, objectively the gayest Batman

2. You commented, “I know it smells crazy in there” on a pic of my nephew’s bris

1.You know what you did