Breaking News: _____ dies!

_____ ______ (obscure C-list actor) has died at _____ (unusually young age) years old due to ____________ (foodborne illness you once caught at Chipotle). He is known for his roles in _____________ (cable show that only had one season) and ______________ (overly-priced off-Broadway show), but also for his involvement with the __________ (Los…
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Tinder Adds “Actively Infected” Feature

Tinder Adds “Actively Infected” Feature

Last Spring, Tinder, the most popular dating cough self-indulgent, masturbatory swiping cough platform among young adults, introduced a feature allowing users to indicate whether they had been vaccinated against COVID-19. Now, the company has pivoted and released an update allowing users to indicate whether they have an active COVID-19 infection.    “It’s been…
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Andrew D Martin: An Inside View on the Man

Andrew D Martin: An Inside View on the Man

Andrew D. Martin. The enigma. Many wonder how he handles his prestigious responsibilities. Sources close to the Chancellor have informed WUnderground that he has been suffering from insomnia since taking up his administration last year. They also sent us the following transcript of his conversation with his psychiatrist. MARTIN: You see, doc, I’ve…
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BREAKING: Pyramid Promotions Exposed as a Front for the Illuminati

BREAKING: Pyramid Promotions Exposed as a Front for the Illuminati

Before this information gets redacted by the higher authorities, WUnderground must report on a breaking discovery: Pyramid Promotions is scheming with the illuminati. Yes, this vague company that students blindly throw cash at is tied with the biggest WashU conspiracy to date. No one actually knows where the money that Pyramid collects each…
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