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WashU to Require Security Guards for Registered Dorm Parties
27
Sep

WashU to Require Security Guards for Registered Dorm Parties

Citing changes to social policy, the Office of Residential Life will require hired security for registered dorm parties, effective October 2018. Former campus policies had permitted students to host personal social events, provided their RAs didn’t give a shit. According to new policy, security aides will be responsible for checking student IDs, and…
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Med Students Discover Rare Pathogen Amongst StudLife Staffers
24
Sep

Med Students Discover Rare Pathogen Amongst StudLife Staffers

In a stunning discovery, WashU medical students identified a rare pathogen on Friday known to be wreaking havoc among the Student Life publication staff. Coined “bad journalism” by sophomore Trevor Dietrich, the rare phenomenon continues to spread amongst members of the paper’s roster and shows no signs of stopping. “The disease stems from…
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Leading Together Campaign Raises Historic $3.378 Billion Dollars to be Buried in Underground Vault, Never to See the Light of Day
04
Sep

Leading Together Campaign Raises Historic $3.378 Billion Dollars to be Buried in Underground Vault, Never to See the Light of Day

Washington University’s Leading Together fundraising campaign concluded on June 30th, far exceeding expectations by soliciting over $3.378 billion in gifts and commitments to be promptly locked in a vault and buried far beneath the surface of the earth. In an August 30th email to the Washington University community, Chancellor Mark Wrighton expressed his…
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Avengers: Infinity War: Good, but No Fight Club
10
May

Avengers: Infinity War: Good, but No Fight Club

WUndergound’s Arts & Culture staff was lucky enough to receive a press pass to the highly anticipated Avengers: Infinity War. Our spoiler-free verdict: very entertaining film, but does not hold a candle to David Fincher’s Fight Club. Avengers: Infinity War is the culmination of an expansive, 10-year cinematic universe, that disappointingly, does not…
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God Suspended Due to Hazing Incident
23
Nov

God Suspended Due to Hazing Incident

God has been temporarily suspended from the known universe after several reports of a violent hazing incident this past weekend. Under the euphemistic guise of a “faith-building exercise,” God is alleged to have commanded Abraham, a pledge, to climb a mountain and murder his son, Isaac. Rumors of God’s hazing activities have been…
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