Issue 16.2

Business School Touts Robust Alumni Network in Hell
28
Sep

Business School Touts Robust Alumni Network in Hell

Representatives of the Olin Business School announced this week that they will start using a new strategy for attracting prospective students: emphasizing their robust alumni network in Hell. “The Olin Business School provides students with unparalleled access to leaders and innovators in a diverse range of morally repugnant industries,” said Sarah Uecker. “Our…
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Aww! This Freshman Couple at Ibby’s Thinks They’re Real Grown Ups!
28
Sep

Aww! This Freshman Couple at Ibby’s Thinks They’re Real Grown Ups!

Oh my god. This is so cute. According to insider reports, First-Years Ryan Shoecrest and Isabelle Greenheart shared a meal at Ibby’s Restaurant this past Thursday evening, like an actual adult couple. This is just too precious. The two approached the DUC dressed in what are likely the nicest clothes they have—Isabelle in…
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I, For One, Will Be Glad When the Bees Go Extinct
28
Sep

I, For One, Will Be Glad When the Bees Go Extinct

By Snobby Professor Guy Pfaw.  Bees.  Bees? Bees?   An abomination upon this planet.  I cannot wait until they are all dead. Allow me to elaborate.  I am smart. Classy. Intelligent.  So when I say that bees are to be abhorred and exterminated, you should make privy your ears and listen closely.   For…
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Op-Ed by a Male Feminist
28
Sep

Op-Ed by a Male Feminist

By Geoff Caulfield I am a male feminist. Think it’s funny? Go ahead, laugh. But while you’re laughing, just know that I am brave and I am strong. Strong enough to use two women as weights and bench press them. I am a male feminist and this is what I stand for: “I…
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