Chowing down on a piece of Domino’s pizza that he had snuck from a free lunch spread in Bauer Hall, WashU senior Walter Bergstrom reported feeling thrilled by the sudden windfall. Bergstrom, who pays full tuition at one of the most expensive universities in the world, admitted that he probably could have grabbed…

A team of researchers from Washington University in St. Louis's Earth and Planetary Sciences Department rocked the scientific community Monday when they announced the discovery of carbon-based life forms on the Fontbonne University campus. The discovery came late Thursday evening when Sapphire, the 2.4 billion dollar robot sent to explore the desolate Fontbonne…

By Jim “The Trendsetter” Benson   If you had told me that fateful Thursday morning what was in store for me later that night, I would slapped you so hard you would’ve seen stars. Sure I’d seen the trailers, who hadn’t? They played them before every gatdamn movie in the line up all…

For years, students on the 40 have been exposed to the bi-weekly rituals of the Belegarth Medieval Combat Society, which meets on the Koenig lawn every Thursday and Saturday to act out elaborate fantasies. This live-action role playing, or “LARPing,” generally consists of students dressing up in costumes and smacking their swords together…

Though he assured the public that it won’t affect the quality of his work, President Obama admitted on Tuesday that it has been about five years since he last masturbated, and that he can’t wait to get out of the White House so he can “finally settle down for a nice long jerk…