Wash U to Re-Brand Philosophy Major as WGSS, But For Men

Upon heavy request, Wash U’s Philosophy Department has begun the process of rebranding to WGSSBFM (Women, Gender and Sexuality Studies, But For Men). The university states that they hope this change will encourage white men to freely express their opinions at any time, whether prompted to or not. “I think this will open up a lot of doors for marginalized voices in our cis-male community,” Chancellor Martin told reporters. He beamed as he cut a ribbon in front of a WGSS plaque on which the W had been scratched out and replaced by an M.

Dr. Beckman (PhD), professor of Sexuality Studies But Just For Men, stated that he had been waiting for this change his entire career. “The other day I was thinking about the Hegelian dialectic and I realized, suddenly, that I was a valuable ally for marginalized people such as women,” he declared while adjusting his toupee. At press time, reporters found Dr. Beckman still talking, unaware that they had ever left. 

“Now I can finally major in something I actually care about,” declared Chad, WGSSBFM major and SAE diversity outreach coordinator. Without being asked and to no one in particular, Chad continued to say, “Also, did you know that men and women don’t get paid the same amount? That’s whack.” It should be noted that Chad proceeded to remove his beige cable-knit sweater to reveal an identical, slightly smaller beige cable-knit sweater. 

“I’m proud of the bold strides our university is taking to ensure that students, especially cis-male coastal elites, feel heard,” Chancellor Martin reiterated.  The first WGGSBFM professor was unveiled Monday to be a giant (uncircumcised) talking penis.