ICYMI: Donald Trump’s State of the Union Address

“Anyway, here’s Wonderwall.” -President Trump

Citizens across the country watched nervously as President Trump addressed the nation, hoping that there would be some clarification regarding the recent government shutdown that withheld pay from hundreds of thousands of government workers. For those of you who fell asleep halfway through the world’s longest speech, here’s a few of the evening’s highlights

  1. Trump started off by claiming “I received word from my analysts just an hour ago that unemployment is at -2.5%! That’s gotta be a record, folks. I keep true to my word”.
  2. President Trump brought out a guitar and started performing “Hero” by Enrique Iglesias halfway through the speech.
  3. At one point, the president welcomed the new female representatives, noting the record number of women elected during the 2018 congress election. As “USA” chants began, he started joining in by yelling “USA” louder and louder into the microphone, ensuring that only his voice would be heard this evening.
  4. Trump voiced his frustration with the Wall funding, shouting “how hard is it to get a frickin wall with frickin laser beams on both frickin sides?” Mike Pence nodded.
  5. Trump ended his speech with “Thank you. God Bless America”. Reporters tried getting a word in about the wall funding with President Trump after his address, but he promptly stuck his fingers in both of his ears and yelled “la la la la la la I can’t hear you!”
  6. Later that night, Trump tweeted “It’s ok that liberals don’t feel welcome in our country”.