1. We’re nuts over this chic two-piece from Nu Swimwear! The bike-short bottoms flatter your thighs, while the top leaves plenty of skin exposed to the merciless, searing-hot sun that will beat down on the melted wreckage of our planet.             2. We can’t get enough…

Earlier this week, it was reported that Rihanna had been offered the opportunity to headline this year’s Super Bowl halftime show but turned it down in support of Colin Kaepernick. We can now confirm reports that America’s favorite sellout, Adam Levine, has followed suit— not in solidarity of Kaepernick but due to ego-related…

Pull up your Khakis, charge your Juul, and slip on that Patagonia vest, because you definitely don’t want to stand out and be yourself during this sausage fest! The ladies had a hellish four days of recruitment and now it’s your turn to partake in the honorable and essential two weeks of your…

Ah, the California Gold Rush. A chaotic time, fondly remembered by some and fervently denied by others. There was California; there was Gold; and, of course, there was Rush. The California Gold Rush encapsulates the American Dream of finding a metric shitton of gold; while naysayers will say things like “the Gold Rush…

In a groundbreaking study published last week in Fake Science Monthly, America’s premier science and research journal, Washington University researchers discovered that the smell from the commonly used Miracle Grow fertilizer on average decreases pp size by 0.5 inches per year. “The fertilizer is highly effective,” said grounds crew member David Torres, “in…