Volume 19 Holiday Issue

24

Dec

Chancellor Andrew Martin and Monica Lewinsky Celebrate Kwanzaa at WashU

We outsourced this article to ChatGPT and asked it to write a funny story about the title subject. Remember, AI will steal your job, then your quirky side passions. Chancellor Andrew Martin and Monica Lewinsky were both in for a surprise when they arrived at Washington University in St. Louis to celebrate Kwanzaa.…

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24

Dec

Ask WUnderground: Advice Column

Dear WUnderground, Any advice on finding a boyfriend for this Christmas season? Sarah   Hi, Sarah, We at WUnderground know how difficult it can be for holiday-loving lonely hearts. It seems like the only Christmas lovers are Tinder users Zach, 19, promising to “put the toe in mistletoe” and Mac, 23, saying “tits…

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24

Dec

A Sprinkle of Hate this Holiday Season

Sexually aroused, confused, comforted, disturbed, deaf in one ear…alone. I felt all these things and more post-attending my first college a capella concert. Sitting in the pews of a place where a funeral had occurred a week ago, I assured myself nothing could be worse than that.   I wish I had been…

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24

Dec

A Holiday Mystery as White as Our Alumni

Winter is abrewing. That means the skies are stormy, the frats have new pledge classes, and WashU has countless broiling lawsuits when the WashU bear cubs of tiger-mama’s slip on the way to Management 100. All of this is to say, mysterious white powders are showing up all over WashU campus. We sent…

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24

Dec

SeAsOnS GreEtInGs from the WashU Republicans

Location: North Pole Feeling: A bit peeved off  Well, it’s official. Santa has gone woke. That’s right, he’s Jewish now. Just kidding. But it’s almost just as bad. Old Saint Nicholas must have asked his little serfs for a surfboard this year (we’re still busting nuts for his union busting) because he’s riding…

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