17.3

29

Apr

WUPD Arrests Antique Thief

The infamous “antique thief” was detained by WUPD last night at around 10 p.m. He was caught in an apartment on the 6000 block of Kingsbury Ave. hugging a vintage mahogany set, with channel knobs and all, a real antique, trying to hoist himself out of the second story window. An associate had…

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29

Apr

The Case for Middle Child Reparations

This piece was rejected by the Danforth Dispatch. So much for supporting freedom of tho(ugh)t. In a society dominated by extremes, the plight of middle children is something that’s been consistently ignored. Constantly overlooked and undervalued, middle children are the backbone of society. And we demand reparations for the pain we’ve felt for…

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29

Apr

I am the Miracle of Life Baby, and This is My Story

I am the “Miracle of Life” baby all grown up. Remember watching the projected image of my head emerging from the womb on your 6th grade classroom whiteboard? Who can forget? My transformation from a microscopic cell to a glistening, incarnadine bundle was a special moment in time. While many children were forced…

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29

Apr

“I’m Totally Gonna do Acid” says Student for Four Months

With the canceling of on-campus events, in-person classes, and group activities, it’s easy to see why many WashU students are less than thrilled. However, some optimistic students are planning to make the most of this extra free time. One such student is sophomore Sal Aguiar. “Oh yeah, this is the perfect time to…

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29

Apr

Op-Ed: In Defense of Sally the Salad Robot

Since their installation in the Bear’s Den, much invective has been hurled at the humble salad robots, none of it merited. The Salad Robot is objectively the best option for salad-serving. First, it provides options that human workers cannot. Try finding a minimum-wage worker willing to sing me a little ditty when they…

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