WUnderground WashU's Premier (and only) satirical newspaper!
I am the “Miracle of Life” baby all grown up. Remember watching the projected image of my head emerging from the womb on your 6th grade classroom whiteboard? Who can forget? My transformation from a microscopic cell to a glistening, incarnadine bundle was a special moment in time.
While many children were forced to watch my birth in middle school as a cautionary tale against pregnancy, I prefer to think of it as educating the masses on just how wonderfully strange life can be. There are now millions of American children who have witnessed my Miracle. That’s power right there.
I watch my Miracle every day. On the train to work or on my lunch break I set aside a few minutes to watch the live footage of my birth. It humbles me. I don’t care that people tend to leave the vicinity when I watch my Miracle in public; it makes me feel good. Isn’t that what living is all about?
In my early twenties, I decided that I should be spreading my seed as far as I could. Of course, I am a woman so I cannot spread my seed. Instead, and against my doctor’s counsel, I have donated 100 eggs to various people in need across the world. I have children everywhere!
Point is: don’t listen to your doctor or anyone who tries to stifle your Miracle. Life is precious—I remind myself of that every day.
Sent from Ketchikan Correctional Center
1201 Schoenbar Road
Ketchikan, AK 99901-6270
