17.2

Obvious Serf Announces that They Would Have Been a Lord in the Middle Ages
28
Apr

Obvious Serf Announces that They Would Have Been a Lord in the Middle Ages

In an astonishing lack of self-awareness, a man most onlookers would have pegged for a serf the instant they laid eyes on his hunched demeanor and glassy, vacant eyes, claimed that he would have been a lord in the Middle Ages.  Jonathan Morrington, a 38-year-old field laborer and Renaissance Faire enthusiast, astounded most…
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Caught Wet Handed! Student Found Drinking COVID Tests
28
Apr

Caught Wet Handed! Student Found Drinking COVID Tests

Students present at the dramatic scene on Monday morning had few words to describe the events that transpired. “Incredible,” said one. “A shocking display of raw determination,” said another. Word spread quickly after sophomore Ricky Lindenmeyer was caught drinking vials from the testing tent spit cooler during Monday’s 9:30 AM time slot.  “It…
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WashU Rolls Out Groundbreaking Foreskin Skin Grafts
28
Apr

WashU Rolls Out Groundbreaking Foreskin Skin Grafts

In a groundbreaking new experiment, WashU researchers have found a unique use for circumcised foreskin as skin grafts for burn victims. Lead researcher and BME postdoc Richard Johnson remembers: “A male student approached me in tears, because he didn’t know what had happened to his foreskin. Then I felt inspired. How could I…
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A Psychoanalysis of My Nancy Pelosi Themed Night Terrors
28
Apr

A Psychoanalysis of My Nancy Pelosi Themed Night Terrors

This was the 24th consecutive night I have been jolted awake screaming, cowering in my bed, guarding my face expecting to see her bob-haircut and floral scarf blowing in the cold wind gusting through my window. In the moments before I awake, I am trembling. She clasps my shoulders with her old, COVID-susceptible…
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